Last night, I receive a picture message from a number not in my contact list. 267 area code, philly/outlying area cell phone number, Subject: FWD: FWD:... I open up the message, which has a picture of a little baby boy and the text 7lb 8oz boy 7:46
I text back,
Who is this?
Return message,
Your son
I FREAK out. In my car driving around yelling out, "Holy shit!" I start running the giant chain of events through my head and figure out the time line would match up from the break up with the ex-gf, Krazy Kathy Rottencrotch. Did I knock her up!? Sweet mother of Christ, NO! How could she not tell me about this? Holy crap my world is ending. Child support? Baby Daddy?!? And many, many, other apocalyptic thoughts.
After the mini-meltdown I remember the subject of the message, "FWD: FWD:"
With a thought and a prayer, I text the sender back. Praying that this is all a practical joke.
Me to 267, "If you're going to pull a bad practical joke, remove the forwards from the subject. Who am I texting with?"
267 to me, "It's Candice!" (a girl I know from my days in college who, as soon as I read the name, remember her telling me she was pregnant some -- I guess 9 -- months back)
Candice to me, "Did you have a heart attack?"
Me to Candice, "Not funny at all. Congrats."
A quick phone call to Candice to congratulate her and I'm greeted with riotous laughter in the background coming from her husband Joe. It turns out, upon seeing my "who is this?" text message Joe had the Imp of the Perverse talking into his ear. Neither Joe nor Candice knew that their joke would set off a mini-Chernobyl of my world. I explained that it's been roughly 9 months since the ex and I split...they apologized in between fits of laughter. I joined in too, eventually. It is pretty damned funny.
Congrats on your new arrival, Candice and Joe !